A year has come to pass and another has chanced upon us unknowingly.. and i'm not ready for it at all..

there's something about this year that scares me.. change? but as one of the most cliche sayings go.. "change is the only constant". i can deal with change.. but there's smth in me that remains reluctant to go on and strive to go back to my younger and more naive days..

over dinner, i was reminded that the new year will bring new challenges and we have to grow up a little more.. but i don't want to suddenly. as a child, i longed for time to stand still (until i had my first sip of alcohol when i was sec 3/4 but that's besides the point). i'm still longing for time to stand still. i'm growing i know.. but i'm growing far too fast.

part of me still lives in the past where i sing on top of my voice in the sch with my pri mates... another soul lingers on untirelessly in EL6 and 5.12 that were converted into bridging grounds, both for the game and relationships forged. a bit of me still haunts pulau ubin where jer and ford entertain with ns songs. i guess.. what i'm really saying is that... i'm a little lost as time leaves me clinging to my memoirs.

i'm not talking abt physical growth... spiritually, there's nothing more i would lurve to be then to be more mature.. more understanding of God's word.. but emotionally.. i don't wanna grow up. i don't want to worry that i'm going to lose bits of my family to the grim reaper.. i don't wanna think abt dying cold and alone inside.. too much has happened and i kinda feel that i've had enough of change.

i don't need anyone at this point to tell me what to think, how to think.. what to do and how to do it.. i'm just going to sit in a corner and watch the world thru my own two eyes.. and pray so hard that God continues to bless me and give me the strength to get by each day... that i will truly be content with what i have and deal with each challenge that the world throws at me.

-------------------------------------------------------------
she's faced the hardest times you could imagine
everytime her eyes fought back the tears
and when her youthful world was about to fall it
each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of her tears
and the sound that no one hears
still rings in midnight silence in her ears

let her cry for she's a lady
let her dream for she's a child
let the rain fall down upon her
she's a free and gentle flower growing wild
and if by chance that i should hold her
let me hold her for a time
and if allowed but one possession
i will take her from the garden to be mine

be careful how you touch her for she'll awaken
and sleep's the only freedom that she knows
and when you look into her eyes, you won't believe
the way she's always paying for a debt she never owes
and the silent wind still blows that only she can hear
and so she goes

let her cry for she's a lady
let her dream for she's a child
let the rain fall down upon her
she's a free and gentle flower growing wild
- Color Me Badd
-------------------------------------------------------------

don't try to change me
don't try to take away my space
just let me continue to be that child that kisses the rain
let me continue to be that child who laughs, cries and dreams.