work's been busy.. which is why i haven't been updating. haven't had a chance to go back to office where there's internet connection. and my office lappie has been following me home just so i can get some work done. oh yea. and i know.. my layout hasn't changed. i'm having some probs with trying to sort out the html coding for the body text. looks too squashed for my liking.. sighz. but here goes the rest of what i really meant to blog..

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ok. life's a fact. people DO fall in love, people DO belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness. - Breakfast at Tiffany.

And i agree. We need to be in a relationship to experience real happiness. and i've found that real happiness already. i've fallen in love with God. I've been made right in His eyes. what greater joy is there?

the reason of relationship, i stress again, is a reflection of the perfect relationship with God. why else would ephesians 5 say, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church" and "Wives, submit to your husbands just as the church submits to Christ". why bother adding the e.g. of Christ? because it's not a mere example. it's our reason for entering into relationships. we were created in His image, to be relational creatures. we reflect his relationship with us thru relationships among ourselves.

then i ask myself and everyone else reading this.. how often do we let our "ideal partner" come before God's "ideal partner"?

- 1.83 m
- asthetically attractive
- rides a BMW bike, not a BMX bicycle
- a good cook...

when we let these take precedence, we push away what that is important to Him to worry abt what that is impt to us. then we stop thinking as though He's our Lord, putting ourselves before anyone else.. even Him. we become what we were before.. not God's people who live under His rule.

so what does this mean for me?

i throw away all my criterias. that fact that he must be a rich christian musician. instead, i take on a WWJD mentality. as Ephesians 5 says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loves the church".

idea that it's an all-sacrificing love for the sake of God. to break down that phrase in parts, it is finding a guy who can love me in a way that would honor God.. that would help me mature in Christ.. it's finding a guy who loves God more than he'll love me 'cos then, he'll be able to understand that I will love God more than i can bring myself to love him.

so that means the motorcycle/car issue is thrown out of the window as well. i'm just wondering how that plays out. do i find a guy who satisfies WWJD and fall in love with him? what happens when i cannot fall in love with him? gosh, i'll be hated. as the one who tramples on them. hm... it sounds attractive in an evil way. ok. plan B.

so i fall in love and keep praying that the guy fits the WWJD bill? if not, it's bye bye? wld that be putting my preference first? i think not. i'm not running around looking for a guy to meets my "worldly" preference to fall in love with. i'm just giving in to that 2 crazy organs, my heart and my brain. and my hormones. i'll leave it to my emotions without thinking of my own criteria.

plan b sounds better and easier. it's just one heart being trampled on.. it it's better for one person to suffer than for the rest. WWJD mentality. that might mean me accepting single hood until i die. why? nearly all the guys who've caught my eye are either attached or questionable christians (if they are even christians to begin with.). they are guys where ppl are questioning me, not me questioning them. if given an opportunity, i wld ignore these ppl who are concerned abt me.. so.. how? (oh, interesting point, i've realized i like the smell of guys who've just bathed. the whole shower gel and shampoo thing. like glenn. so much for the 'manly' scent)

but knowing me, everything will end up in a mess. but what to do? let's just go with the flow and take things as they come.

and thus concludes the episode of bgr w/ xiujun. insightful take into the crazy thoughts in my head during internship.
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anywayz, why this series of bgr posts? i think i falling... scary but true. i really think i am.

is he male? yar.. christian? i don't know. single? i don't know. and by not knowing all that, i can't figure out whether i'm going to be burnt again. i feel comfortable around him. not just conversationally. but even when we're sitting or walking together in silence. i'm never able to have comfortable, non-awkward silence with a guy that quickly. and he.. makes me feel secure. which cld be the big reason for me feeling this way. i've always gotten that sense of security from God. and he provides that physical aspect somehow. for now, let's just take each day at a time and see how it goes.

pray for me, my dear friends.. dun ask me silly questions. just pray for me. that i dun make silly mistakes. that i'll trust in Him and rely in Him in all i do. that in all my decisions, i'll please Him. that's all i need you to pray for. not that i'll get a bf.. not that i'll enter into a r/s.. but pray that i'll continue to be child of God.