SMUCF hasn't seen the last of me. (and i thought i could run away to overseas where no one knows me)
let's just say that i want to be that senior to the juniors just as my seniors were to me. don't know if they remember it all. but i remember snippets of stuff that they told me.
vic telling me not to kill myself by pulling a one-man-show.. liyang and i talking on msn and having that one lunch together to really just share.. desmond doing a 1 hr "Kingdom of God in the Bible" with me and Ben at my first ABR on the first night at 12 am. or thereabout.. the walks back home with fred where he forced me to think critically abt ministry and my life.. the solo bible studies with baoyi where i was scared stiff (and apparantly she freaked out as well).. the Two-Ways-To-Live with Kelly, Bok and Bao.. the bus rides home with GH and JC where GH confused me for bulk of the time but when you really understand what he's trying to bring across, you just pretty much get slapped when you realize that you're not doing what you should be..
i don't remember crying to anyone of them in particular though.. hm.. only mich lee who's been there for me when i beat myself up just because of moments where i feel "lonely" and upset that i'm not content with God. oh. she also saw me thru in my first year as an exco member crying in the toilet 'cos i wasn't really assured of being a Child of God. Yes, my dear 2004/05 exco, i was struggling a lot then. Dave should know. he was nagging at me alllllll the time. but thanks for all that, bro...
just.. so many memories resurfacing. think it's the nostalgia bit in me when i realize that i'm gonna graduate soon. not really ready to leave behind this ministry as much as i would love to leave Singapore to just experience the world and grow more in Him.
to be brutally honest, i struggled with being a christian for the longest time. december 2004 to july 2005. and i was an exco member then. can you imagine the fear and panic that i was trying to suppress? the many times i cried 'cos i was just so uncertain of where i was headed for: destruction or really that certainty of hope at the end of the day. i remember sitting by the evans road with Ford on the last night of dec camp 2004, just crying. (yes, i'm dead emotional. got a prob with that?)
Ford was amazing. he didn't say a word. i was ranting for most part of it. when my tears finally dried, he spoke. i can't remember most part of what he said to me that night but i still have the encouragement note he wrote to me:
It is always great to have you around as a friend and a sister in Christ. Thank you and others for always encouraging me and (bringing) me towards Christ... ...but talking to you really made me become more motivated. i really hope that you feel the same way. the road towards Christ is treacherous and tideous... ...True faith is the only way towards salvation. always think of ways to brighten up your Christian faith and life by always looing at the lovely side of things and not be so pesimisstic towards life. hee hee. cheer up!
and you wonder why i miss that dude so much.. SA had taken a dear brother away from me... can't wait for him to return from exchange.
but i digress.. i've written so much.. just to bring about the idea that the platform that God has given the Christians in SMU through SMUCF has been one heck of a journey for me. i've grown so much.. and now.. all i really wanna do is give it all back.. to served others as much or even more than how others have served me during their time of partnership in this ministry.
keep me accountable and in all of your prayers, aites? Lemme serve as much as or even more than those before me.
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