Notice: to all gym users

just because we're behind the counter..
just because you're in front..
just because you're bigger than us in stature..

you still have no right to be condescending to the gym staff, male or female.

you will abide by the gym regulations just as every other student does. if the profs can abide by the regulations and still be nice to us, you, a student just like us, do not have any reason to be mean to us. we don't need your sarcasm. and if you're a "frequent gym user", don't tell us that you always forget your towel. don't make things difficult for us, dammit.

we are diplomatic in how we handle ourselves. we tell you the rules as it is. very simple.

- bring your towel. it's basic courtesy. don't care if you're just using the treadmill or free wgts. bring the towel. not hanky. not a face towel. at least of hand towel lgt.
- don't shout or be a hindrance to others in the gym. basic courtesy
- don't machine-hog
- proper attire please
- USE THE LOCKER THAT WE ASSIGN TO YOU, YOU INCORRIGIBLE BRATS!!

to put it in the words of aristotle, "do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you." anytime you need our help, we'll do our best to serve you. ask any of the regulars. we chat with them. we laugh and we joke. we are nice people who will not bite. we are after all fellow students. nothing justifies you to turn nasty and make it hard for us to do our job.





but if you mess with the gym staff, trust me, i will get canjie to sit on you. joking.

i will get canjie to break every bone in your body. not joking.

you can mess with me.. i'll handle you my way. i will not hesitate to destroy every strand of whatever that makes you a man. but i won't. i won't be nasty but you might just regret it. but if anyone of you pricks think that you can bully the other female gym staff, trust me, you're not gonna be let off easily. i don't want to do this but i will protect my girls, you bleeping MCPs.

even if you bring your entire community down to challenge us, you will have to take on the gym guys and our male dragonboaters and/or any of my rugger friends who will be in the gym at that time.

i dare you.

Vivace was a blast as usual. the cf booth did good. bobbs and edmund were really nice too! another event. another set of memories..

old familiar faces stopping by to chat at the booth

smiles from really old friends (sami! jin rui! welcome to SMU!)

usual ones who've been there for me

walking up and down and singing ourselves tired

that gentle affirmation of new friendships forged by the freshmen i've gotten to know

literally jiving to SMUBE that was next to our booth with fellow CFers.

As i watched gwen in a flurry from the beginning up to the point of the end of vivace, i'm just reminded of last year's. and the previous year's even when it was victor and me helming the deck. guess i just really needed a break from planning and organizing. foc 2006 is likely to be my biggest project for the academic year 2006-2007. perhaps my last from heading the organizing team as well. so that means fun day for this year is not my "dai ji" anymore.

time to let go little by little each day. or when graduation day comes for me, i may not want to release the strings that i've held on for so long to. but i kinda believe it's time for me to take a backseat where i guide and advise instead of organizing. shldn't be so daft and pretend that i'm superwoman anymore. i'm not. i'm merely part of the body. and i'm grateful for that.

To all who took pictures with me today, send to me!! thanks!

for more on SMUCF "Christmas in August", refer to http://wishing-you-were-here.blogspot.com/

CHRISTMAS IN AUGUST!

i lurve my darlings for this fantastic idea. we are going caroling. singing carols. for real. we'll be "serenading" the school this friday.

to celebrate Christmas.

in August.

Come and join us at our stationary booth opposite booklink! alternatively, let us search you out and serenade you.

first day of sch.. alone in meeting room with the rest of the bags.. i'm tired after AFA.. just wanna print my notes so i can go home now to run.. but there's no one here.. and i'm hungry.

shucks.

ok.. haven't updated since i got back.. but during my trip, i got to know new people. they take up a tiny part of this chapter but nevertheless, their footprints have been made.

there's jie jie or AK, a nice malaysian lady. spent bulk of my time in the guesthouse chatting with her. then there's en hwa, a korean uni student. very sweet and reminds me of yong 'cos she's crazy abt mike he and ethan zhang too. and two guys. one is from nanhua and has been helping me with my itinerary and directions as well. the other is from kaoshiung. he's a hair stylist with a perpetual smell of ciggie smoke on him. and he's really quite pleasant to talk to.

back in singapore now.. happy and sad..

naturally happy 'cos i'm home where my family and friends are. wondering if the family wants to go back to kaoshiung and visit taitung and pingtung at the same time.. if not, likely to end up going to china. just want somewhere cold.

however, as bored as i was of taipei, i still kinda liked walking shilin and ximending.. if anything, i miss the few other night markets around taiwan like feng jia and liuhe.. and the convenience stores... gosh.. the range of drinks is amazing. they have tea eggs there too! did i mention that i found my "amsterdam" waffles there too? i went ballistic in the supermarket over the range of drinks again. and the amount of affordable and wide range of products in watsons there..

and i miss walking the backstreets of taipei, not really knowing what i'm gonna get at the end. and all that despite the fact that i'm muttering to myself, silently hoping that the motorists going past me will catch it..

"don't kill me, please. don't kill me"

the "feng kuang" belt shopping and 5 pairs of earrings... and i realize that i spoil my younger sister. a bit too much, i think. for the photos, go here:

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/nookweis/my_photos (under Taipei album, not Taiwan)

didn't really buy clothes for the new term. yet. feel like shopping so badly. and i wanna get a new bag too. wondering if i want a new phone.. eyeing this one.. the sony ericsson K800i.

quadband. whoot! i have no idea what it means but it sounds cool! ahahah.. the main attraction of the phone is the 240x320 screen.. 3.2 mp camera.. music and video player.. it's 115 g.. not too bad lah. plus it's a sleek black. i like. i no money too. i wanna either be a very spoilt child or a very spoilt gf now..
*****

just some random thoughts on the bus home today from jingting's place.. it's funny how some routine things can seem so trivial to some but intense to others. i'm not gonna let guilt and regret gnaw at me anymore. i'll take that chance on me. things will have their way in God's plan.

and oh, i really want to take up that extra musical instrument. narrowed down to violin and guitar. 'cos i dun think the folks at home are gonna take too kindly to me banging away on the drums and it's gonna take up space. i can't put it in the attic. the sounds will echo down.. ahahaha. initially thought the flute wld be ideal.. but the more i think abt it, the less i want to learn it.

violin or guitar.. i need to save up..

(updated the "hope-to-do-before-i-die" list at the side..)

long post ahead!!!
****
everyone's got their own personal vendatta. that demon they want to fight. the skeletons that they need to clean out. ti's just whether they want to admit it, whether they want to acknowledge its existence or not.
*****
1825 12 Aug
Day 1 in taipei. i'm greeted by sights vaguely familiar from memories of the recent december. the sky is a lovely palette of blue, lavender and mild orange from the setting sun. what i wouldn't give to be at danshui right now! i'll have to content with factories against the green backdrop of woodlands. the bus is ambering towards the main station right now and i've sent 3 smses already.

this is no ordinary overseas trip for me. for the first time, i'll be travelling alone. not on a fancy whim though part of me wishes it was so. i've left too many friendly faces behind. for a simple reason: to go to war with myself.

i wanted to fight this battle with myself. to wage war against the me who cannot protect me. i know. i relied on God for all things. i've prayed for this opportunity to trash things out for myself. to finally be able to work with God to protct me. then i can cross off the one line from my "bf-criteria":

- to protect me from me

that's why i have to do this alone. just me and God.

now that i'm in taiwan, i can tell you guys this. pray for me. not just to win this battle. but also that whatever the outcome on the 17th, i'll be satisfied. pray that i'll remain rooted in him. and my safety.

and oh josh, abt ibiza? perhaps it'll be nicer to go with a bunch.. heez

12 Aug 1847
*****
13 aug 2119

there's been an erosion of self confidence. no wait. erosion of self-pride. i'm no longer too proud to admit to the world that i need help.

it may seem ironic that i had to leave singapore to find that out. on contrary, by leaving singapore, i'm forced to seek help from people whom i dun know. people who might not help. it's taking that chance that ppl might not want to do anything abt my state..

a whole day of walking.. i'm tired.

13 aug 2130
*****
14 aug 1252

woke up at 1130. i love dark rooms. no sunlight to wake one up. actually, the sun doesn't have much effect on me unless it's too hot.. heez.

it's 33 out there. lower than the crazy 37 at abt this time oyday. me? in the comforts of a air-conditioned bus headed to yangmingshan (YMS). so it's a cheap tour of the cuty with 98 degrees sining "invisible man" to me on my mp3 player.

seized by a bout of loneliness yday. but unlike the usual berating of myself, i accepted it. perhaps my situation where smses and phone calls are much more expensive helped me. i've accepted that loneliness is a reminder that us humans need people. we crave the need to want and feel wanted. we crave relationships. we were afterall, created as relational beings.

i used to berate myself for feeling upset abt feeling lonely. 'm never really lonely 'cos of God, right? so i'd scold myself for getting upset. but i've learnt... thru loneliness, we are reminded of the horizontal aspect.. of the need to relate to other humans. there's no need to be ashamed of it. instead, see that emotion as God's reminder to us of that horizontal relational aspect.

14 aug 1308
*****
14 aug 1834
a seemingly magical end to the day

i took a mini hike around YMS park before heading to a hot spring bath. had the luxury of soaking alone at 100 NT. that was for the better part of the day.

later went to danshui. bought the local snacks for ppl at home before taking a bus to Fisherman's wharf. i was hoping that the sun would move slower and the bus faster.. by the time i got there, the sun will still up.. but hidden behind the cloud. so i was left with watching the setting of the outline of the sun to the strands of jay chou's "an jing" from a nearby cafe. now i'm on a ferry back to danshui station. the dusk is gorgeous but can't get a decent picture. heez.. dun u wish you were here?

14 aug 1845

i can't seem to blog a long post.. the hostel com will hibernate on me... ahaha.. so here's a update... so u know that i'm still alive.. i'll try to find an internet cafe and hopefully have a longer one..

lurve you all back home and miss ya. but also enjoying myself. i'll be fine so dun worry!

a few more hours and i'll be on that plane to taipei..

i've made silly decisions and mistakes in my life... and i've always bore the consequences of those decisions i've made. but... this time round, i just don't what to think of it.

perhaps it's that part of me that tells me to go head-on into new life projects to try to get to know myself better. perhaps to improve myself and prove to the world that i'm made of tougher stuff. perhaps it's just that devil-may-care attitude of mine that takes each day as it comes. sure, i plan ahead. i just don't know what tomorrow will bring. so just in case i don't die, i still need some sort of order in my life.

perhaps it's just failure on my part to realize that i can upset others more than i ever thought possible. i want them not to worry... but they are still gonna worry. just like how they try to persuade me not to go alone... i'm still going alone.. i've made up my mind and just put in so much thought.

i've always wanted to travel alone. i just crave that little romance in my life where i can be alone in a different place where everything is unpredictable. do i want someone there with me? Yes and no. let's just say i haven't found that special someone to go to a country and do things on a whim with.

but i digress.. it's more than just the need to feel that my life is a little more exciting than it is. i've had a charmed life. i want to break out of it and test my limit. i need to know that i can trust myself because... of stuff that i don't feel like mentioning now.

and now, it seems like i want to know that people can trust me. i don't need them to love me. they can hate me for my decision. but i need them to trust me that i know what i'm doing. i have put in much thought into this. it's not something that struck me suddenly. i've prayed.. i've worked things out with Him. it's not just itchy feet on my part. i just don't want to wake up one day and wonder how different my life wld be. even if i know that the path i've walked is in His will. and i'm tired of conversations that go nowhere.

oh, i know of few that miss my writing. thank you so much for been such a great encouragement. so i found a little smth that i wrote in my first year in SMU? yupe.. abt there.. think after the first term. so read it if you dare. heez.

****
Complexity

i can be a bitch. i can be cold, sarcastic, tactless, bitter and harder and harsher than people would imagine. i can betray people without blinking and awake the next day fresh and cheery. yes, i can be that.

i can and will shun love from those willing to give it. i can break hearts, destroy dreams and vanquish hopes with my frozen snowflake of a heart. i can turn away without faltering, rejesting the warm embrace of love that wants nothing more than to melt that iciness. i can be selfish, cruel, heartless and remain unmoving, unwilling to succumb to the gentleness of puppy love.

but at the same time, i can hurt and be shattered, have my life torn apart by dilemmas. i can cry over an emotional loss, no matter how small it is. i can break down and hide away in dark corners, praying that life will be better. guilt can haunt me for long when i affest those i care about. i can be loyal and faithful to those i trust- warm and sensitive and even gentle. i can love those unwilling to be loved by me, those clearly out of my reach. the solid ice lodged in my chest can shatter and cut myself when i try to pick them up.

i can feel jaded, powerless, wanting nothing more than someone who will hold me tight when i cry myself to sleep, wiping the tears away with his kisses.

i can be selfish, cruel, heartless and remain unmoving, unwilling to succumb to the heart that wants to be melted.

Confused? Then why did you even start reading?

my last post was at 9.07 this morning.

time now is 5.20 in the afternoon.



and i'm utterly bored in a crowded gym. the usual faces down here though so it's kind of nice. throngs of familiar faces who somehow seem terribly chatty today. but it only occurs every.. 15 min? they come to the counter.. we chat a little.. they go off and work out or sign out and leave to eat... still.. got a headache..

got an anal customer who comes in and asks for the same locker all the time. i dun mind giving it to her.. but it wldn't kill to ask properly right? she'll tell me she wants a locker in the middle row... then she suggests 17. it's just her tone. and i'm not the only one who finds her seemingly.. annoying.. oh well.. the stuff we have to put up with. just grit our teeth and bear it.

time check. 5.41 pm. got sidelined when another bunch came over to the desk to chat. oh well. hopefully the rest of the day will be better.

in the gym right now and the silly kettle decided to crash on me. i need my hot drink to fill me up but while i'm the only silly staff right now, i can't go running around. shucks. i've never craved milo/tea/coffee so badly before. ok, take out coffee.. i've had worse coffee cravings.

i'm not a coffee addict. i just have my moments. like how i have yet to try starbucks java chip. they took away my rhumba frappe and brought in java chip. more chocolate chips? very expensive coffee. so still harboring that insatiable craving for my first taste of java chip coffee. think i'm gonna wait until i'm feeling down enough to wanna indulge in overpriced coffee.

meanwhile, the list of songs that i've being ODing on..

1. Lin Jun Jie- "Sa Rang Hae Yo Zhi Dui Ni Shuo"
2. Take That- "Nobody Else"
3. Take That- "Holding Back The Tears"
4. Will Liu feat Evonne Hsu - Xing Dong Xing Tong

yea, depressingly sweet love songs. ahaha. am i in one of those moods again? maybe. maybe not. i derno. but i cannot deny that my conversations with a particular someone has been.. well.. bittersweet. while i've fully accepted that my life is really not under my control, he comes along and tells me not to be so pesimisstic abt it all.

reminiscent of conversations i've had since year one. and i'll still say the same thing that i told david chan two years ago, on the last day of exams before we went to fred's house to chill..

"i'll just never understand why single (guys) sit around and ask why other single (girls) are very eligible yet still unattached."

and i'm still wondering. anyhoo, i did explain to the particular someone that i'm not pesimisstic abt life and that i honestly enjoy my life as a singleton. make the best of what you have. he jokingly chided me as being childish and i cldn't help but laugh in response. the friends i surround myself with in the still of night when i cannot get any sleep.. haiz.


if i were to say "sa rang hae yo" to anyone right now, You know that it's for Your ears only. Because You first said that to me when You reached Your hand out to me.

*********
suddenly, the morning doesn't seem as dreary anymore despite the maniacal laughter of two terribly annoying prats in the gym. kw's seriously my sunshine boy. the way his grin just perks me up when he's waving frantically at me from outside the gym. at least he's leaving school when i leave. that way, i don't have to wonder what it'll be like to not see him when i'm stuck at the gym. let's just make the best of the coming year then. =)

been a tiring week..

meet with the Cfers for durians at geylang. That place is overrated at times but it was the company that made it all worth while. after that, we took a trip down to mich's place and chatted a little longer. i must have felt pretty drained for when i curled up against the sofa, i really felt like sleeping.

kinda feel bad 'cos i did that at ansen's place before. it was a farewell party for him and debz and yet, i curled up on his bed and promptly fell asleep. the sports camp before that had drained me pretty much. i really need to catch up on some sleep. maybe i can get more on the trip across the silly causeway tmr when i head over to JB with the CFers.

anywayz, after that night, joshua said that i remind him of a baby koala. great. first cheong calls me hamster in the cupboard. yc says i'm a squirrel. i got called a racoon (raKooN.. geddit? damn lame.. ahahah) in JC. now i'm a baby koala. just because i like to cling to arms. apparantly, he got the idea at steph's bday where i clung onto Jane's arm.

fine, i admit. those animals are the some of the cutest little critters i know. but.. why am i being associated with tiny marsupials and rodents? (insert crying emoticon ala msn)

'nuf said. i finally got my wireless mouse. went down to sim lim this morning with yong to look for her laptop bag. we walked a few stores and the bags were $20++. upon finding a nice one at $15, she promptly bought it. then she got worried wondering if the lappie wld fit. so we went in search of her current fujitsu laptop. we found a store and happily walked in, looking for her model.

"Were we in this shop just now?" I asked her, feeling awkward suddenly. She turned to me, brows slightly furrowed...

"Can I help you?" (oh the grammatical errors of the service industry.. it's "MAY I HELP YOU")

anywayz, yong turned and lo and behold, this young man was eagerly waiting to serve us. she asked for her model and he directed us to it. Deep inside, i'm secretly hoping that he would leave us alone so that we could quickly compare the size before running out. no.. my sweet little sister takes the cover out and proceeds to tell him the reason of us entering the shop. i'm wishing the ground opens up.

when we finally leave the store, i looked at her.

"That was embarrassing. But that wasn't the guy who served us the first time right?"

"It was him. i nearly died when i saw him," she affirmed.

congratulations. i seem to get myself into nonsensical situations. no one does it better than me, i guess. why do i get myself into fixes like that?

for the rest of the week, i'm pretty much booked. got the trip up to JB on monday, gym and ktv on tuesday, afterglow on wed, work on thurs (7am-12pm and 3pm-7pm in the gym. visit me!!) and packing on fri. then it's off to taiwan for 6 days! can't wait for some time alone. =)

the series of leading up to our final 2 smucf foc 2006 large group shots..


not there..

not yet...

almost...

yea!

and the classic nonsense picture of many many tongues


group 2.. the most nonsensical morons that made me forget my tiredness with our endless crapping and continuous laughing. thank you.
(guys from left: zai, dave t, jeri, shi jia, bj, daryl, ben and josh / girls from the left: e-gay, jt, pam, mabel, e-bay, me!)

many thanks to zaixiang for the photos. can click on the pictures for larger view.. or go to my gallery in the sidebar and look for the foc 2006 album.

and truly, God has given me "the one" already. He's provided me with the "one church" where i know i'll never be alone on this lifelong journey. let our friendships, not just within the cg or ogs, but bonds formed by the mere fact that we're all God's people in SMUCF never fade while we still walk this earth!