random bimbo thoughts:

(1)
I hope to find a way where running with long hair is not a pain. buns don't work. braids don't work. and when it's in a normal ponytail, it's slapping and sticking on my shoulder. I've invested too much to get it to this length. I'm not cutting it. (totally understand why girls on ANTM break down when their long locks are chopped above their shoulders..)

maybe I should start wearing t-shirts with sleeves to run.

(2)
despite the weighing scale screaming "RUN, FAT GIRL, RUN!!!" at me, people have been telling me that I've lost weight since November. including people who see me regularly.

that's a good thing, right?

please don't say otherwise when I come back from eat-all-the-fried-chicken-drink-all-the-beer-for-supper land. T-T

candid phone photo during baptism service last Sunday @ YWCA

just a day before good Friday and unlike other years, I'm heading to a friend's church for service tonight. Mandarin service, no less. I think my eyes will be widening a lot not because of what that is taught but because my stupid brain can't translate fast enough.

another thing different? the questions I've gotten today.

why today? what's the significance? so how is Sunday different from Friday? why does He give me life only to reject me on my deathbed?

I've never been so careful in picking the words to say. I know he's asking because he genuinely wants to understand. not to fight with me. not because he wants to believe. not because he wants to find ways to beat it down. he simply wants to understand what I'm thinking. no strings or conditions attached. and our working relationship makes it so easy for us to sit down and consider all these things, most of the time agreeing to disagree, and still work together over projects.

so I shared a little with the CG girls. to ask them for their prayers that I'd continue to be wise and gentle in my words. no emotional blackmail. no "this is what I experienced". simply, "this is what the bible says". (whether the bible is the truth or not, that's something my friend has to resolve with himself.)

then one of the girls shared her struggles.

honestly, it makes me so incredibly thankful to watch people frown and mull over the word. I still struggle with the word. I struggle with it every day of my life. what God says. what God commands. what God thinks. it always reminds me of a conclusion I came to after talking to a Brother.

I struggle because I care. the day I stop struggling is the day I become indifferent to the word: the day I become indifferent to God.

I pm'ed the girl. assured her that her struggles were not unfounded. that it's natural. so we're going to meet up. to talk about our struggles. to work together to understand better what Christianity means.




I don't think I've ever been more excited in my life. ^-^

there is peace and joy to be found in the little things in life.

I've started to pick up the pen again. but instead of words, i've been mindlessly doodling. the usual nonsense. swirls. strange patterns. little shadow figures.

it doesn't mean anything to anyone but these little things make my day a little more bearable. maybe i should start painting again. i haven't picked up a brush for ages. like since secondary school. and i used to paint all the time as a kid. what happened? art classes happened. ahahahaha.

but really, it's the little things in life that can bring simple joy.


like the other night, i was at the cab stand, trying to get home. the cab arrived and said it was heading to Orchard, which i wasn't. three persons from the party of 5 behind me said they were going to Shangri-La. so they took the cab. when the next cab came, i asked the remaining couple where they were headed to. they said Shang as well. so i asked them to share the cab with me since it wasn't too out of the way.

in the cab, i learnt more about the elderly couple. they were both from UK and moved to Perth in 1981. today, they are semi-retired with gorgeous kids and grandchildren. with time on their hands as all they have now is their small family business, they've been traveling around Asia. before Singapore, they were in Hanoi and Malacca. and i had managed to catch them on their last night in Singapore.

When we were reaching the hotel, the lady told the gentleman to "remember to pay for the ride". i rejected their offer, saying that they were guests. to take the trip as a gesture to remember Singapore by. the gentleman laughed and scolded me as he handed me a $10. I insisted that it was too much and a $5 would suffice. he laughed again and thanked me as he jumped out of the cab, leaving the $10 behind.

when i reached home, the cab fare was a mere $12.50. the detour didn't add much to the value so i handed the cab driver $20, telling him to keep the change. he stared at the money in shock and told me it was too much. i laughed and told him that the tourists had given me too much anyway and that it may make his night just a little shorter.

it's the little things.

the other day when heading to S's house for dinner on the train, this man near me started coughing violently. his whole body wrecked with each cough. looking old, thin, tanned and not exactly very clean, i watched as the working adults moved away from him uncomfortably. it wasn't that he was coughing with his mouth open. he covered his mouth carefully and was trying to hold back the coughing fit as his whole body shook. people still inched away and gave him weird stares.

my stop was next so i hurriedly dug through my bag for tissue to hand to him. no tissue, damnit. i saw him get off his seat and head to the door just as my fingers closed over a small medicine pack. i still had my herbal lozenges from the doctor's.

we both got off the train and i quickly took out the medication and tore off a little strip of lozenges. i walked towards him and handed it to him. he stared at me. i smiled, completely uncertain if he understood much english, "medicine. for your cough. your throat."

the man took the medicine, stared at it for a second before turning back to look at me, a bright smile on his face, "Thank you. God bless you, dear. Thank you."




i don't get happiness from their happiness. my day is made better knowing that i have the opportunity to make someone's day better and i used that opportunity. i don't even feel immense glee knowing that i helped. instead, there's a small joy that comes from the peace within.

D asked me why i share these little stories with others. i told him that i wanted people to know that these are little things that have no impact on us but amazing impact on those who receive a little love. that it's not hard to extend a hand and a little heart to these strangers. i wanted to share how easy it is to help.


it really is the little things that bring the peace which leads to simple joy.

so on Sunday after class, i stepped on the weighing scale. the last time i stepped on a scale was in Nov after i horrendously recovered a little too well after the bout of gastric flu and food poisoning.

maybe it was all the water i was chugging during the break.. but.


omg. all that hard work. and i'm not even at my ideal mark? wth? all i did was lose 1 kg since Nov. really??


on hindsight, i was at my ideal weight when i had that 2-week long stomach flu. when i had no appetite and couldn't eat without the food coming back out.

and judging by the way i was stuffing my face before dinner yesterday...

i wish i didn't love food so much. T-T

after a supposed night of chilling turned into something way madder, i really need to give my body a break.

i don't recover as fast anymore. damnit. i need to practice self-control in front of champagne.


on the other hand, i'm still amazed at the internal clockwork that decides enough is enough and sends me home in one piece even without others knowing. waking up in my own bed at 3 am to see a flurry of texts from everyone asking me where i am from midnight onwards... it just happens.

i'm not taking it for granted. God has been good to me but i don't want the day to come where i can't find my own way home. sigh. self-control.. self-control.

when i was growing up, i was the least sporty one in the family.

i played netball and basketball only because i generally enjoy playing them. but they were strictly for recreational purposes. I've always been a round little thing joining clubs and doing social work.

PFT was one of my biggest nightmare. Other than sit and reach (for a non-sporty person, i was strangely more flexible than my siblings), i struggled through each station.

at my heaviest, i was 53kg. no joke. i was one fat ass kid. people called me a little teapot 'cos i was "short and stout".

then i started dragonboating and every thing change.

the little girl who struggled to maintain 9s on the inclined pull-up bar became a girl who did 21 inclined pull ups in less than 30s without breaking a sweat. the kid that hated to run 1.6k 13 years ago is now completing 10k jogging sessions to prepare for the sundown 42.195 marathon.

every buff guy i see becomes an goal. not to get the guy. but to get a body like the guy. i know girls aren't genetically equipped to get the muscle definition that guys have. but it's still a goal. at my leanest meanest period, i had a 4-pack. i miss those days. inspiration... inspiration...

from http://itsbap.tumblr.com/
remember, the guy isn't the goal. although i wouldn't mind if i get this one. Hohohohohoho

Forget motivational posts and quotes. i'm my own favorite and best motivator and motivation.

i've hopelessly lost my heart to one of the cutest boys ever.

as all of us have professed time and time again... good looks run in the family. it's in the genes. *hohohohohoho


please keep safe in Shanghai, little one. I'm waiting for you and your sister to come back and wrap me in your tight little hugs once more!

Monday morning and i'm in pain. haven't ached this way in such a long time...


but omg, muay thai is rather fun! think I was most shocked when G grabbed the body padding and asked me to kick him. I'm now able to execute a roundhouse kick. probably not the best at it but it was amazing. it was such a rush to punch and kick. the raw tiredness. the dull ache. the impact of skin on skin...

probably a better option than craving the smell of gunpowder and smoke coupled with unbearable heat on the face after a huge-ass mama explosion.


i guess G-san is right. i'm probably more "man" than him. LOL.


on a more girly side note, i really wish BAP was less addictive. so I can sleep earlier at night instead of watching one youtube video after another. don't think i was this mad even with 2PM and Big Bang. kyaaaaah~ i need to get me a busan boy.

B.A.P has been driving me quite mad. and apparently they've been driving people quite mad around the world. considering the fact that they were the top hip hop album in iTunes USA yesterday when "One Shot EP" was released.

Number 1 on iTunes SG to celebrate its release today. YAY!!

there's mad talent in these young ones. song of the moment? BYG's older solo, "I remember", from the Crash single.

I have the original version with Yoseob. I do adore Yoseob's voice. there's a certain whiny-ness that reminds me of GD. then today, I decided that I needed to purchase the track where Daehyun is featured instead. i love B2ST but with Daehyun, it's just called keeping it within the family.


and omg. Daehyun's voice. Yoseob sounds like he's hurting and he wants to make the hurting stop. Daehyun sounds like he's angry that he's letting the pain get the better of him.



i just want to take that Busan kid home and have ice cream with him until we're both happy. amazing amazing song created by BYG and Chance. mad love and respect for them both!

love is buying a hot fudge sundae to keep in the fridge for me to enjoy during bible study because my jaw is aching from the braces. even though it's drizzling and it's a 10-15 min walk from the train station to the house.

to my friends, i'm going to be a little floaty and dreamy for these few weeks 'cos seriously, the pain is ridiculously bad this time round. please bear with me!

i know why i've given up on most english music.

like seriously. at least one One Direction photo will appear on my instagram popular feeds. really? the teeny bopper band that lip synced during the Olympics? I would have rather them tone down their jumping/dancing to sing properly and show the closing ceremony a little more respect. C'mon, you were performing with Brian May and Take That.

the kpop scene doesn't lie about lip-syncing or singing live. there are bands that are known to lip sync so they can concentrate on the dance which is their selling point. for others, you hear their voices disappear to the main track playing when they are dancing. you hear their actual voice rise up against the track playing. you hear the tiredness. you hear the strains. you hear them sing.

there's the added training of writing and composing songs for the younger groups.

sure, 2pm isn't writing their own songs. but they are moving in that direction. you see some of their names appear as lyricists and composers as they spend more time in the studios. and it's decent songs.

and there's Big Bang. with the mad talented Kwon Ji Yong. the blonde rapping wonder who writes his own songs on his own album. before i even knew he was writing the songs, he was my favorite. this pint size bundle of energy was leading the group to do wonders on stage.

then B.A.P breaks out on the scene in early 2012. a young group addressing themes like societal judgement, being trapped by rules that don't make sense, running towards their dreams, rising up against the challenges. the most intense songs were about stalking and then revenge on a lover. eerie lyrics with such emotions behind the deep husky rap by the leader. so since the leader, another blonde yummy rapper and my fave, is just a 22-yo, i thought to enjoy their music without thinking about the lyricists or composers.

when watching their very first showcase on youtube last night, i realized that my favorite 22-yo contributed as lyricist for ALL THE SONGS.


what the hell?

such raw talent. and he knows that he's still lacking. he looks back on his older songs, critiques them, and pushes himself further. he was already my fave before i knew how talented he was.



forget english songs

i'm in love with my blonde talented rappers. hahahahahaha.

having missed morning service yesterday, I headed over to church in the afternoon for the afternoon service with questions from the previous week sermon. I had to get my answers from Denesh so I dragged myself to church.

when I got there slightly late due to the jam, I found myself sitting in the middle of two of my favorite boys from Uni days. it felt like 2006/2007 all over again.

Then our closing song? "Servants of the gospel". our "anthem" back then. I smiled inwardly.

it felt like university again. surrounded by familiar and unfamiliar faces. cheeky smses circulating before and after the sermon. a message so resounding. songs that remind me i'm not alone in this walk..


i'm home. after the prayers and consideration in December, i'd made that decision to move. and now, i'm home. ^-^