so i'm finally less than 12 months away from the big three-o.

while as depressing as that may sound, I'm learning new things about myself this year.

1. people think I'm a geek
it started when a colleague was eating Japanese steam cakes. so I casually remarked that in Yakitate Japan, they teach you how to make a Japanese steam cake using a rice cooker. from there, I mentioned the crazy 144-1 layered croissant from the show too. my colleague looked at me and remarked that I was a geek.

it was the first time anyone said that to me. I insisted that I wasn't one... despite being able to retell the story of the deathly hallows ("and death greeted the youngest brother like an old friend..") and recount the battle at helms deep ("should I describe it to you or get you a box?") to the battle in front of Minas Tirith ("Death is just another path... one that we all must take.."). or even notice links between Frankeweenie and Corpse Bride.

so apparently that makes me a geek. I insisted that a true geek games. someone pointed out to me that I can remember some of the MK finisher moves. or that I even knew Soul Age. that not liking stuff like starcraft, dota or warcraft didn't mean I wasn't a geek.

my last thread of hope was that I cooked and did handicraft like sewing and scrapbooking. to which a friend replied, "Sheldon knits."

right.


2. I'm competitive
I don't need to win. I do realise that in every race, there is a loser. and so what if I'm the person who loses?

talking about Dream Team with a friend, I questioned why one of the girls picked certain male celebs to be her partner when they wouldn't be able to win the games. I then listed my ideal partners for any Dream Team challenges. simply because there is a bigger assurance of a win.

I stopped PS3 because my skills are rusty. I don't want to lose to my opponent. after all the blisters from my PS days, I cannot deal with the frustration of losing in stages. do you have any idea how red and painful my hands were after Excalibur or Crash Bandicoot?

I even deleted candy crush within 2 days 'cos I couldn't get through an early stage after 6 tries. too annoying. so yes, I'm competitive.


3. my brain is retarded
going back to AJ Jacob's books, I love the little facts that strike a chord with me. like how Newton was diagnosed with "psychotic tendencies" and literally went mad. and how he had delved into occult practices. then on social norms, it's also interesting to read on utilitarians and deontologists. I love little facts like these. and my biggest worry is that I'll forget them quickly.

then number patterns. 3*37=111. 6*37=222. 9*37=333... I saw these three equations and thought they were rather cool. and a small little voice in my head went, "too bad the combo breaks after 30*37.."

I paused and took a paper out and scribbling linearly, came up with "12*37=444. 15*37=555. 18*37=666. 21*37=777. 24*37=888. 27*37=999"... then a small "oh" slipped out as then pen continued scribbling, "30*37=1110. 33*37=1221."

just before bed, I frowned, "I'm going to forget 'deontologist' tomorrow. don't fail on me, brain. just let me remember this one tomorrow."

hours later, my alarm clock rang. I stirred in bed and slowly turned to face the ceiling and opened my eyes. then a word escaped my lips, "deontologist."

thank you, brain. now if you could do that with the bible, I'd be very very grateful as well.


4. I don't like to have my photo taken
I really really really don't like it. I don't think I'm gorgeous. I think I'm awesome. plain-looking but awesome. and I'm definitely not photogenic. I just really don't like having my picture taken.

as such, I have retarded poses and faces in my photos. just because it being in front of a camera makes me uncomfortable and I unknowingly change to someone else.. (I'm much happier behind it.) problem is, all my retarded faces make me look worse than I already do. as such, I dislike photos of me. if people ask, I try to run from it. but trust me, even if I'm somehow in front of the camera, I'm squirming inside.


now I'm wondering what new insights I'll have in the next few days and months. this year is getting more interesting.