just some random thoughts that hit me today.. btw, today's qingming or tomb sweeping festival (roughly translated). a quick bg, this tradition was passed down so that people will remember to honor their ancestors. which brings up the idea of ancestral worship. right.

but it's rarely this case nowadays. i realized that this tradition is now a lot to do with face value. everyone was glancing at each other's offerings in silent comparison, as if trying to justify the type of food they bring. which is ultimately the same vegetarian food. yet, i felt like telling everyone that they are going to still burn in hell. no amt of fancy vegetarian food was going to save them. but bear with me, i'm not saying that christians are perfect beings. we're still fallen. there will be those who put on airs so they seem like "better christians". i'm just... haiz..

and these people try to outdo each other.. be it in their dressing (there were those who dressed as though they were going for a nice dinner).. or the way they prayed. some went on their knees. many left their fates in the hands of dead people. on the day christians celebrate the resurrection of our Lord, the fact that we worship a living God. i watched on as people threw coins and prayed for guidance. i wanted to pick them up and shake them. it's really obvious that people just throw the coins until they get the answers that they want to hear. it's very sad, if you realize. why are they turning away from the resurrected Messiah, the ultimate answer to every thing in the world? i'm thankful that my God is not abt probability.

and when i wanted to leave to go home and study, i got a scolding. it looked as though the time spent in the temple wld determine how gd you are. my pt wasn't abt the time spent in the temple but the time i spend on my work. tosser. what happened to sincerity? it's not measured by time but by your motives.there is no corelation to whether you kneel or not either. if you have fulfilled what you came to do, it's enough. no one compares timing. face value, i swear.

on a slightly lighter note, i had a dream abt a friend.. i was super stressed (btw, i am still super stressed. just a note here before lunch..) and this friend is just there for me, whispering words of comfort. honestly, it made me feel really nice. when my alarm woke me up, i only wanted to return to the dream. then when i remember who i was dreaming abt, i woke with a rude shock. wondering if it falls under nightmare here. i don't like this friend in a romantic sense, definitely.. i'm still for him. and i'll wait until he comes back.