I'm typically not a morning person...

scratch that. I'm not a morning person. people get to me too easily, especially when I have very very low tolerance for horrid selfish behavior and no tolerance for stupidity.

and this lady really just pissed me off today.


at work, for us to access the floors with offices, we are required to scan our staff passes in the lift at a panel just below the floor buttons. these floor buttons and scanning panel, as most lifts, are situated at the area near the door.

usually when people wait for the lift, there's an unspoken FIFO ("first-in-first-out") rule. meaning if you're at the lift lobby first, you get first dibs to ensure a spot in the lift.

and this little bitch squeezed past everyone to stand right in front of the lift door, conveniently ignoring the rest of us waiting. fine. there weren't many of us (5 of us this morning) so we were all going to fit in the lift anyway.

the lift door opened and she practically marched in, in a manner that if anyone were near her, they would have been shoved by her shoulders and swinging arms. then she scanned the panel with her staff card and proceeded to block the lift buttons from everyone else. there is another panel of lift buttons for the wheelchair-enabled persons at the side of the lift so the rest of us could press our floor buttons.

now, the staff pass scanning panel has a time limit as a security measure. so if you don't meet the time frame after the first person scans his or her card, you simply scan your pass again and then proceed to press your floor button. a guy missed it and when he reached out with his staff pass, this little bitch refused to move from her spot where there was probably just a 10cm gap between her body and the panel. the guy had to carefully manoeuvre his hand so as to not touch her.

then when the door stopped on one of the floors, this bitch had her fingers placed ON the "door close" button, short of pressing it, even before the door could open.

Hi, what the hell is wrong with you?

I was glaring holes in her skull from the back by then. I knew that the cleaning aunty in the lift was getting off on my floor as well so when it hit my floor, the cleaning aunty pressed the "door open" button for me. I stepped out of the lift and immediately pressed my hand against the side of the lift door, holding it open for the cleaning aunty. she thanked me with a smile.

little bitch stared at me with wide eyes for holding the lift door open manually because that always overrides the button system. I stared straight back at her. in that split second, she wavered and looked away.




little bitch, don't mess with me. really. especially not in the morning. just don't bother.

so a friend is going to Seoul and trying to avoid it when it's cold. and for some reason, I was reminded of my Jeju trip where we brilliantly decided to go BBQ at our pension.

This was March 2013. Jeju was probably 2-5 degrees that night. not counting the wind chill.

and I was standing out in the cold night, in my T-shirt and jeans, with my friend, also just in his T-shirt and jeans. just because of pork belly, pork shoulder, and beef bulgogi.

The wind was biting and the warmth of the BBQ was barely enough. at one point, we were eating right off the grill to gain warmth from the cooked food. By the time we were done and I had returned to the room, my fingers were experiencing borderline frostbite and my teeth were chattering. Thank god for heated floors because I just laid down and let my body slowly warm up before we started dinner.

Now when I look back, it's probably my favorite memory of the whole trip. Because Jeju was just hilarious, with our large bottle of Somaek in the backseat while I wailed out fake Korean along with the songs from my mp3 player, keeping the driver awake.



Then this happened a few weeks ago on EXO Showtime.

the boys were at Sokcho, also a beach resort.

I died laughing. I really couldn't stop because I totally felt for them. Imagine dealing with the harsh biting cold just for pork belly, only to see it fly off the grill. the wind was so strong that the metal grill flew off, tipping the aluminium foil with it. I had to pause the stupid show and finish laughing because it was too ridiculous.

I really need to rethink about this whole BBQing thing in Sokcho in Sept/Oct. but seriously, that desolation and hopelessness in Kim Jongdae's face was just so priceless. Thankfully, the meat fell onto the ground, still on the aluminium foil and away from the soil. So the two boys picked it up and ate it anyway. I would have too.... I think. depending on how desperate I'd be for samgyupsal, I guess.

I can't wait. I really can't wait for Korea this year. :)

I had the joy of looking back on the years to review my life with a dear friend on Saturday night over beer.

with everything, I am reminded that God is good.

even when my crushes didn't work out. even when I never fell in love with people who were interested with me. even if my previous relationship didn't go the way I had hoped it would.

I'm reminded that He's truly in control. that even when I don't understand why things happen, I see Him revealing himself in little ways that make me smile and feel ever so thankful for.

all of the guys from above are happy where they are now. I think. I hope. hahahaha. all of them are now in relationship. i think. to the best of my knowledge... and I couldn't be happier for them. to see them move in, even with children in their lives...

life is good. God has been incredibly good to me and I'm thankful for it all. :))

Yoon Mirae, you are too damn gorgeous. Ahhhhh~

For this Christmas, I want..

- my LV Michael Backpack. in any color.

- SMTown tickets and a return flight at wherever the concert is

- Big Bang / Beast / 2PM / EXO / BAP concert. PLEASE.

- Nespresso capsules for life

- a unicorn (I wish I was kidding)

- Flame of Recca vol 6-12 to finally complete the damn series

- Bulgari Save The Children ring (like seriously, Bulgari, I've been trying to shove my money into your face but you keep rejecting it with the lack of size)

- LV Michael Backpack. I want this so badly.


and that's the little materialistic side of me.

but honestly, if I could really get what I wanted for Christmas... I would want peace. Not the world peace, no fighting, no wars thing. I want reconciliation with God, for people to build that broken relationship with God. Because there is no way one can truly understand love unless you've experienced the greatest love of them all. How easy would "world peace" be from there if everyone knew what it meant to truly love then?

I want my friends reconciled to God. I want my family reconciled to God.

And beyond that, I want contentment and yet to keep striving to better myself. to remember that so many things are out of my control and surpass any knowledge I think I have. That there's still so much room to grow.. intellectually and as a person. to grow in many areas. not the chest area. I've given up hope on that. but to grow in terms of knowledge or what OSL calls my "snapple bottle cap" moments. perhaps even solve a damn rubix cube. to grow as a person. to grow in love and know how to maintain relationships 'cos I'm seriously shit at it.

and perhaps maybe to even fall in love along the way.



That's my Christmas wish.

Hark the herald angels sing, "glory to the newborn King". Peace on Earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconcile.

Merry Christmas one and all. ^-^

knocked out on the bus as usual. wasn't hard since the bus was really cold.

when I woke up, I looked around. I was about three stops from getting off. and there was a warmth pressed against my side. I turned. a boy that had gotten onto the bus one stop after me and who took the seat next to me had fallen asleep, pressed against my arm , his head dangerously close to my shoulder. he looked so tired and I didn't have the heart to push him away.

of course the superficial part of me didn't mind that he was cute.

I turned back to look out of the window, watching the rain fall outside as he leaned against me, nodding away. when it was time to make my way to the door, I shifted. he woke up groggily before he stared at me, a little embarrassed. he apologized and I smiled before getting up to move to the door. just as I stood up, I noticed the lady standing in front of us staring between us, her eyes widened and her mouth slightly opened. as if she didn't expect to see him apologizing to me.

I got off the bus and while using my umbrella to shield myself from both the vicious wind and rain, JYP Nation's "This Christmas" started playing on my mp3 player.


well played, God, well played.

pillow fights

arcade madness

yelling 'jinx' at one another

biting, shoving, butt slapping

continuing each other's jokes

stuffing our faces silly

driving through town to watch the Christmas lights

cuddling on the sofa just because someone's sick

frustration and anger that never lasts for more than half a day

laughing about old episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S on the train while everyone else thinks we're mad

sitting in the parking lot and refusing to get out of the car because the song on the radio is awesome and we're too busy singing along (see example below)





I would not trade anything for my siblings. as much as we joke about trading one another for true love or a harem of young gorgeous men or Taylor Swift, I would not trade them for anything in the world. nothing.

after about 4 months of being holed up with no life except for dinners with close friends and drinking at home with the family, I am a social wreck.

I don't know how to make small talk with strangers. I don't know how to smile. I can never flirt again. if my friends even want to call me to come out of my blanket fort where I plan to surround myself with my nespresso machine and variations of beer and cider for the next few months... this will be me.

I don't even feel embarrassed by this shit. I'm doomed.

been spamming Christmas songs and Rainy Mood in office. i'm in my own little corner with my Starbucks, banana nut crunch, music, and feeling happily festive.



it's always my favorite time of the year. i may not be somewhere cold and pretty now..

and even with all the turmoil and dark events around, Christmas always reminds me that there's a little hope for a better tomorrow. I don't always understand why things happen the way they do... but I know there's that little hope that things will turn around one day and I will fully be able to grasp the beauty of His creation.

Zico in "Dead Leaves"

Remember, being alone and being lonely can be two very different things. ^-^

so Sunday is always dinner time with the family. and this happens when there's prawn served:

aunt: why are you not eating the prawn? 

me: I've taken one already.

aunt: take more. there's three for each.

me: I can't. I'm allergic to prawn, remember?

aunt: since when?

me: since more than a year ago?

aunt: but we always order prawns when we eat out in restaurants-

me: -and I always never eat it

aunt: are you sure?

me: yes. and we have this conversation every time there are prawns


hi, do I look like I will create an allergy to not eat something I adore? like I'm mad enough to decide that I'm allergic to it and not eat hokkien mee and prawn noodle soup which happen to be my two favorite hawker dishes? It's been about one and a half years since I found out about my allergy. if my friends don't remember, I don't really mind. and usually they don't. but when I remind them, they are always apologize because at the back of their minds, they do know it.

yet my own aunts will never remember it. and then it's suddenly my fault for not reminding them and causing them to cook more. and my fault that I have an allergy.


right. they are seriously going bonkers.

"Simple things like going home, and friends who say you're not alone, and songs of joy that keep you strong make everything okay. oh, and Santa's on his way" - Glee

November has been a tiring month. getting back to the office.. paranoia at not knowing the healing stage I was at... personal battles.. health scares from the mother's medical report..

December is looking up, thankfully. I can slowly start walking normally. in two months, I can try jogging to test my foot... worries of cancer and other kidney problems were dissolved this morning at the hospital..

the personal battles are still there but if i can deal with all the environmental worries, surely I can deal with the personal ones. still, it'll be nice to feel like less of a burden and a little less lonely during this period after a very tiring November.

with the upcoming Christmas and new year, may I learn to better deal with all the shit like I did as a child. May I stop growing too old and start remembering what it means to be a little stronger again.