Wednesday was yet another crazy tiring day of talking and crying. and I am so grateful for L. though I'm starting to suspect that she's psychic. After her usual diagnose and identification of certain traits which I'm struggling with, she paused and smiled at me.

Then she told me she knew I didn't believe that my thoughts were distorted. That I didn't believe that I wasn't a failure. That I probably was still struggling to admit that I had a condition and it's not just that I suck at everything in life.

I could only smile back at her weakly as I hugged the cushion closer to me.

I decided that I had to update my boss on the progress of my treatment so she could decide if I still had a place in a team. It wasn't fair to her or to anyone at work if I were to continue down the path of constant failure and self-destruction if it makes me a liability to the team.

After our chat yesterday, I decided that even if I were to be horrible at dealing with life and an absolute worthless wreck, I had to recover for the people who have been nothing but supportive. I had to recover to at least not disappoint them in this aspect of my life.

let this be my prayer. that I will recover for the sake of those I care for.